Just Breath and Other Ways to Rewire the Pain-filled Brain

"Neuroplasticity, also known as brain plasticity, or neural plasticity, is the ability of the brain to change continuously throughout an individual's life, e.g., brain activity associated with a given function can be transferred to a different location, the proportion of grey matter can change and synapses may strengthen or weaken over time." -Wikipedia

I believe my form of Fibromyalgia stems from a nervous system that has been chronically in overdrive (fight or flight) mode for all of my life. At 54, that living on adrenaline came to a screeching halt when I could no longer function, forcing me to leave my teaching job and to spend the next few months largely in bed.

As a firstborn to a single mom who suffered from undiagnosed Bipolar and Schizophrenia, I know life was tense and unsure right from the get-go.  After living with my single-mom and her parents for the first 6 months of my life, my mom got married to a well-meaning man who had lost his first wife to cancer.  He had a 13-year old daughter at the time of their marriage.  My mom's emotions were intense.  During one fight, my mom punched her fist through a plate-glass window, cutting several long cuts, needing stitches.  (My mom told me the story when I asked her about the long, smooth scars she had on her right hand.)  Cal, her husband, immediately pursued divorce because he couldn't handle the trauma and tension my mom's explosive behavior caused.  Unfortunately, no one seemed to look into why she had these anger issues and irrational outbursts.  Instead, mom and I moved into a cute, little cottage in the same town as Cal.

From all the photos I've ever seen of us,
everything looks happy and wonderful.

One of the first times I remember fearing for my safety, I was with my sister. (Jean was born four years after me with a man my mom married for about two years; Joe also filed for divorce due to the violent temper my mom displayed.) She was mad about something and began throwing and smashing the dishes in our kitchen.  I can still hear her screaming.  To this day, a screaming voice causes my heart to beat rapidly.  In fact, as I'm writing this, I can feel my heart rate increase, heat rise in my face, and panic, that has been with me as long as I can remember, rise in my chest.

These episodes continued on a regular basis in contrast with the weeks she'd spend on the couch with me taking care of her and my sister and me.  I actually preferred it when she was down like this.  I could generally count that she'd be gentle and quiet. I learned to walk on eggshells, to fake being asleep to avoid confrontation, to shutter and whimper when she got angry so that she wouldn't hit.  My sister didn't so much, and I viewed her getting my mom's wrath on more than a few occasions that come back vividly, causing me again, to become anxious as I think on them.

It wasn't until I ran away my junior year that my mom did something that caused the police to incarcerate her and eventually hospitalize her. This led to her formal diagnosis and her spending the rest of her life in protective care, making me an independent minor and my sister be placed with a family from the church we had been attending at the time.

These years of living in daily trauma led to me striving-led to me working hard at achieving my goals to have a "normal" family.  I went to college-double major and Cum Laude. I  married at 21 (then finish college at 24) and started my first job full-time teaching position a week after having my daughter. My husband front-packed my five-day-old daughter in the school administrative parking lot while I was interviewing.  They gave me six-weeks off for my maternity leave before I started. I didn't know what it meant to live without the anxious feeling in my gut and chest.  I used that adrenaline to push me to go, go, go.  And from that relentless pushing to do and be the best at whatever I did. I got many atta-girls that fed both my ego and my need to fill the hole I didn't know I had.  I did not know of any other way to be in this world. This continued until June 2018 when the first non-stop pain formed in my calves.  (I explain the onset of Fibromyalgia in the two blogs What's Wrong With Me? Part 1 and What's Wrong With Me? Part 2.) 

Set On The Healing Path

Through the 10-week Fibromyalgia Pain Program at Mary Free Bed, I was introduced to how a nervous system that has been chronically on alert (fight/flight)  is then dysregulated to be too sensitive, sending pain signals were there is no injury. "Like an amplifier always turned to its highest volume," explains Dr. Daniel Clauw. This has led me to research neuroplasticity and rewiring the brain, which has promising new research and techniques.  I am looking to rewire my brain so that my automatic nervous system can live in parasympathetic (rest/digest) mode more often than the sympathetic (fight/flight).  

I've been focusing on this for the past 8 months: yoga, breathwork, meditation, EFT (tapping), resting, getting in nature, cardio exercise, naps, allowing myself to do only what seems doable at the moment... Many family members and friends had assumed that leaving the stressors of the classroom would be the fix. Sadly, no, this cannot calm down a lifetime of living with constant fear in my gut.  However, I am finding good resources and better understanding.  I do believe I'm making headway (although not as fast as I would like-tough to quelch that go-go part of me). 

On our drive home after our week spent in the woods at Pictured Rocks, scrolling through my Facebook feed, up came a post from Fedupwithfatigue.com: Rewiring the Brain to Get out of Pain-The Moskowitz Approach.  As I read, it illuminated the reason beyond just the cardio sending good endorphins throughout my body as to why my mind and body felt so much better with walking in the woods and as to why it lasted beyond just a few hours.  During my walks, I used the skills for meditation I had learned: paying specific attention to what I saw, heard, smelled, and felt. I breathed purposefully-two counts in and four counts out (feeding the parasympathetic system more than the sympathetic), and working on maintaining a tall posture (not the slumped one that has been my natural stance for as long as I can remember), holding in my stomach muscles to support my back and strengthen my core.

I then downloaded the book by Dr. Norman Doidge suggested in the article: The Brain's Ways of Healing which "Doidge compares learning to reprogram the brain to learning a musical instrument – or more aptly, perhaps, learning a new language. The practice is most difficult at first but gets easier over time."

Rewiring My Brain

A few things that I'm doing seem to be helping me rewire my overactive autonomic nervous system: yoga, breath-work, and walking in the woods with purposeful attention.  

• Yoga is a meditation in movement.  When I did yoga back before trying to purposefully quiet my noisy brain, I used it for cardio and strength training.  I did not see it as meditation.  I did, however, learn to breathe through my nose and at times would focus on my breath by silently counting in, 2, 3, 4, 5; out, 2, 3, 4, 5. Now, I purposefully focus on my breath for the whole practice.  When my mind wanders (which is often), as soon as I realize it, I work to bring my focus back on the in and out of my breath, linking it to the full movement and feeling it as it flows in and out from my belly to my chest. 
• The breathwork practices that I've been doing are two different types. (There are several types): Clarity Breath Work and SOMA Breathwork.  While each is a bit different from one another, both use focused, measured breathing over an extended period of time 20-60 minutes. I'm enjoying both and find myself energized, content, and pain-free for an extended amount of time. It seems to be extending longer and longer the more I do it. 
• Meditative walking in the woods is new to me.  I did it purposefully while in the woods by myself near Beaver Lake.  This is something that I want to continue and use. I will use my breathing and meditation techniques while walking in nature. 

I would also like to develop the visualization that Dr. Michael H. Moskowitz used (which tends to be harder for me) and try the sound therapy (iLs that Doidge discusses at length in chapters 7 & 8 of his book).  I have participated in one sound bath session and hope to be in another coming up soon at the yoga studio I attend. 

My efforts are producing good results.  I'm off of all prescription drugs for Fibromyalgia symptoms and using very little over the counter pain medications.  I'm finding I'm lasting from morning to night.  I'm more positive and more energetic.  I'm beginning to make plans, knowing I'll be able to make them. And as Doidge explained, it's getting easier to practice calming my noisy brain the more I do it.

Have you heard of rewiring the brain? Are you actively using this for healing? I'd love to hear what you're doing and any results you're finding.

Thank you for visiting my blog today. 

I am committing to posting once a week on Fridays.  

However, as you know, my new normal means that sometimes 

I have to listen to my body and am not able to follow through 

as planned. 

Thank you for your understanding.

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No Stone Left Unturned

When I hit my lowest and went to my doctor, he wanted to prescribe me Cymbalta.  I refused it.  I had already researched the FDA-approved medication for Fibromyalgia (FM) and was terrified after reading the many horrible reviews.  (Cymbalta reviews)  I talked to my family.  I cried and refused.  I was actually scared.

I've since realized why. My mom was hospitalized for the first time in Kalamazoo Psychiatric Hospital in my sophomore year of of highschool in 1980. Her second time, that ended up being a permanent situation, was only a year later. She was being treated for bipolar and schizophrenia with very serious medication. All I could imagine was being in the zombie-state that I remembered from my visits.  Scared me silly. However, on December 7, 2018, I knew that I couldn't handle without some help I agreed to go on a low dose of 30mg of Cymbalta.

Before resorting to prescribed medication, I did try many suggested remedies: yoga, Reiki sessions, a chiropractic session, professional massage, supplements, hot tub, heating pad, myofascial release, over-the-counter pain relievers, Tapping (EFT), and diet changes. I didn't try pain-relieving shots (like Lady Gaga has) nor acupuncture (due to insurance not covering it).  Some definitely helped, others were positive experiences but didn't seem to change anything, a few didn't do anything, and one actually hurt me.

• Yoga: I had practiced yoga for some time but hadn't been doing any for the past couple of years due to my hour drive to work which led to a 10 workday.  On the weekend of Thanksgiving break, I went to a local yoga studio on the recommendation of a friend.  It was for a two-hour breathwork workshop.  That one visit made a huge impression on me.  I knew I found a healing place, a welcoming place.  This practice with these people and this teacher has been the single most helpful thing in combatting my Fibromyalgia (FMA). I'm going 2-5 times a week. My insurance does not cover this.
• Reiki: After the breathwork class, I decided to sign-up for three Reiki sessions with the owner of that yoga studio who is also a Reiki master.  Much of her approach in her studio's ambiance, class structure, and her overall life philosophy ties into this system. After some sharing of my situation, I laid down supported by pillows and covered by a blanket and weighted eye pillow letting my eyes fully relax.  After the session, I felt good.  Not pain-free, but not painful.  I felt positive and light.  I haven't gone since mostly because of its cost.  I do believe this led me to a deeper look into my emotional state which has definitely helped heal and grow.  My insurance doesn't cover this.
• Chiropractic Session (no link due to not recommending):  I only tried one, so that probably tells you something.  The website listed FM as one of the conditions they could treat.  After the neck crack (I realize there's more than one type of chiropractic treatment), I ended up hurting way worse than when I had arrived.  Won't be going again. My insurance did cover this, but I still had a fairly large copay. *Since I first wrote this, I have gone to another chiropractor.  She spent an hour going over my history.  Then, she to spin Xrays and came up with a plan.  A medical-massage was included from that point on after each 15-minute session with her.  The two combined really loosened my neck and shoulders which had been plaguing me for months. I paid $30 out of pocket for 15-minute chiropractic correction and hour-long medical-massage. That was such a wonderful deal! 
• Professional Massage: I found a business card for A Bridge to You Massage Therapy hanging up on our yoga studio bulletin board.  The professional masseuse came highly recommended by my fellow yogis. The atmosphere, music, and massage bed felt as if I was in a warm cocoon in a field of flowers-which is saying something since it was in the deep part of January.  Claire uses some Reiki during the session besides the wonderful, calming massage.  She talked about how a gentle massage (unlike the bruising deep massage I had been frenetically doing to my legs and arms) brings the neuro-system from sympathetic to parasympathetic in about 20 minutes.  This helped me tremendously for about a week during some of my hardest times.  I would go once a week if I could afford it.  My insurance doesn't cover this.
• Tapping/EFT: In mid-February, as I was researching ways to calm down the pain through meditation, I stumbled on The Tapping World Summit 2019  the first speaker I listened to was Iyanla Vanzant, and after, I did the tapping session.  It did work to calm down the pain.  I'm not fully sure I believe that tapping on the meridian points is what makes the difference, but I do know it helps.  I think it was because of the mindfulness/meditation one does through the tapping.
• Supplements/Diet Changes:  So, I did an elimination diet, not as scientifically as I should have by adding in two foods instead of one a couple of times.  After a week of being off of all: egg, dairy, gluten, caffeine, sugar, nuts, corn, tomatoes, citrus, alcohol, processed foods... It was tough, but sure learned unique ways of making pretty good foods.  The problem was, I really had no findings with the exception that I already knew I am very lactose intolerant. I've kept off of dairy, caffeine (mostly), lower in sugar intake, and lower in any processed foods by a good bit.  Adding in supplements was really pushed by many: turmeric, ginger, vitamins D, B12, and E, SAM-E, and magnesium-malate.  The only ones I've kept are D3 and magnesium-malate (the # of pills and the cost was just too much to maintain and I really didn't find a difference with or without.) A doctor (who I have come to respect and trust) has said in his written article that the only supplements he'd recommend are magnesium and SAM-E. I stopped taking the SAM-E because it made me too jittery; however, it did help with fatigue and brain-fog.
• Heat Therapy (Hot Pad and Hot tub): These have worked pretty well for intense short-term relief.  My husband and I had always dreamed of a hot tub at our new home.  When I got some refunded money from the state, we bought a six-person tub.  That was fall 2018.  I was diagnosed at the end of November.  What kismet!  
• Over-the-counter Pain Reliever: The only pain reliever that seems to help me is Bayer: Body and Back pain reliever (aspirin w/caffeine). I've tried ALL the other types.  Just didn't do anything.  I have also tried CBD via capsules and gummies.  I really didn't find any difference.  I did feel more groggy, so I stopped.  I haven't tried marijuana (it has just been legalized), but I'm not opposed to it if I should need it and it helps.
• Myofascial Release:  This helps.  I do this fairly regularly after heating pad to simulate massage.  However, it can be easy to make it too intense.  If I do it too forcefully, it can cause a flair in me.

I tried most of these things before agreeing to take 30 mg of Cymbalta daily. I went up to 60 mg after four months.  I have now weaned down to  30 mg again after 3 months and am going to try to be off of it entirely in one month.  I will then see if I can manage my pain and other symptoms with the new techniques I've learned through my 10 week FM Bootcamp training I had at Mary Free Bed (more on that later).

There are a lot of suggested treatments for Fibromyalgia.  One can go broke trying all of the things people say work.  It's confusing because what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another.  Finding what our best path is a game of trial and error.

What are your guiding factors for whether or not to try something? Have there been things that definitely work for you?  Have you wasted money on anything?

Thank you for visiting my blog today. 

I am committing to posting once a week on Fridays.  

However, as you know, my new normal means that sometimes 

I have to listen to my body and am not able to follow through 

as planned. 

Thank you for your understanding.

Click link Subscribe to Pain FULLY Living Weekly Posts by Email